There exists a burgeoning movement labelled as ‘child-free’, which promotes the decision not to have children as not just a personal choice, but a deliberate lifestyle. This term, ‘child-free’, is increasingly finding itself under scrutiny particularly from mothers. We can’t fail to notice an evident shift in the dialogue encompassing personal life decisions, especially considering the choice of having children or not. Proponents of the ‘child-free’ movement assert their position outside traditional norms as a distinctly delineated lifestyle.
Although the fundamental premise of this movement is empowerment, its connotations stimulate a host of charged subtleties, most of which revolve around the status of women and the societal perception of femininity. When the iPaper launched a headline about model, TV presenter and activist Jamella Jamil stating, ‘At 38, one of the best decisions I’ve made is not to be a mother,’ the reaction was predictably intense. Critics questioned, ‘Why is it truly so terrible to be a mother?’ and featured such shaming statements as ‘at 78, lonely in the twilight of your life, you’ll wish you had kids’.
Public response reveals a stale stereotype that refuses to perceive women beyond their traditional roles as caregivers. This was evident during the political campaign of Vice President Kamala Harris – ironically dubbed as ‘Mom-ala’ by Drew Barrymore – which was swamped with disparagement primarily because she doesn’t have biological children. This undue criticism reached a crescendo when conservative lawyer Will Chamberlain infamously quoted that Harris ‘shouldn’t be president’ as she does not have ‘skin in the game’.
JD Vance took a further swing at the childless status of political leaders, accusing them of being ‘frustrated individuals seeking solace in their cats’ and suggesting that they were proactively brainwashing our children. Despite criticism for his statement, he seemed to persist in his misguided belief that child-free individuals are akin to conspiracists, which actually reflects his poor understanding of personal choice rather than illuminating any factual reality.
Interestingly, society often perceives motherhood as a sort of economic factor, instrumental in benefiting the public good. Those opposing the stance are often quick to project the stereotypes of irresponsibility and selfishness towards the ones who choose to remain childless. However, it’s essential to understand that not everybody wishes to, or can have children. A considerable number of women have exhausted their emotional and financial resources in the pursuit of conceiving, only to find out later that it was not meant to be.
Nonetheless, some women, including Kamala Harris, chose to care for their stepchildren, an aspect of their lives that tends to get overlooked by society. It’s starkly evident how society often devaluates women if they choose not to have children, labelling them as ‘unnatural’. People argue, ‘women are destined to have babies, that’s why they exist’. Such flawed reasoning not only fails to take into consideration the freedom of personal choice but also presents an oversimplified view of women’s multifaceted roles in society.
There’s also a societal bias that burdens single mothers and those in complex personal situations, partially driven by societal expectation and partially by the constraints that parenthood applies on personal freedoms. In Western societies, the acceptance of women choosing to live without children is gradually increasing, thanks to the courage of numerous pioneers who revealed the harsh realities of attempting to procreate naturally. Their narratives, often painful and heartbreaking, can now be shared openly without fear of reproach.
However, such progressive attitudes are not universal. In her endeavour, We Are Childfree, photographer Zoë Noble pointed out the repression many women across the globe face due to their decision to be childless. Sharing one such testimony, she remarked how a Serbian woman was threatened with her life by her boyfriend when she revealed her desire not to have children. This experience was so severe that she had to secure a restraining order against him.
In such pro-natalist cultures, a woman who chooses to remain childless becomes a symbol of autonomy and freedom which can be intimidating to many, especially men. This seems to stem from an underlying fear that women not wanting children suggests that they no longer require men in their lives. This perceived threat is further exacerbated by data indicating that single, childless women are the happiest demographic subgroup, while married men are more socially isolated and earn less than their married counterparts.
The thinking that a woman’s role is largely to ease a man’s life is deeply ingrained in society. This is apparent from a 2009 study which demonstrated that when one partner falls severely ill, the chances of divorce or separation are over seven times higher if the sick person happens to be the woman. Interestingly, society is more accepting of women with children, insinuating that the societal norm of women having children is more accepted than the choice to live child-free.
However, wealth disparity continues to play a role in these perceptions. Modern norms generously applaud those mothers who return to work and manage childcare, portraying them as extraordinary individuals. Conversely, those who choose to remain at home often have their invaluable contributions dismissed. It’s crucial to recognize that being a stay-at-home parent is an overwhelming responsibility requiring a host of skills, boundless emotional resilience, and an unwavering commitment that doesn’t clock out.
Traditional norms continue to dominate our society because the capitalist system depends heavily on the unpaid roles that women undertake. Without these, governments would have to enact comprehensive parental leave and caregiving policies, and hospitals might have to overhaul their modus operandi to acknowledge the invisible work of women.
These omnipresent narratives have far-reaching implications that can shape societal norms, policy decisions, world views, and deeply personal choices. Moreover, when these narratives become politically charged, they evoke divisions so profound they divert attention away from pressing issues like affordable childcare, the lack of a healthy work-life balance, and minimum support for parents or those attempting to become parents.
The recent decision to overturn America’s landmark abortion law reflects the lingering resistance against women having control over their personal lives. This decision caused widespread alarm and was yet another disheartening moment in the ongoing battle for women’s reproductive rights, demonstrating a resistance to women’s independence and self-autonomy.
Should the increasing embrace of patriarchal norms and adverse policy decisions arouse our anger, concerns, and fears, it’s imperative that we direct these at the oppressive systems and governmental structures, not at the women choosing to prioritize their own needs. Their personal decisions to live life without being dictated by the expectations of motherhood are neither shocking nor disruptive to society, but rather, they expose a system failing to respect their autonomy.