She Broke Up With Her Boyfriend Cause His Cancer Was Effecting Her Mental Health
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A woman who is participating in the London Marathon on behalf of her ex-boyfriend has revealed the reason behind their split: she was unable to emotionally handle his battle with cancer. Danielle Epstein, a 32-year-old physics teacher, was in the process of purchasing a house with her then-boyfriend Jelle Rensen, a 37-year-old software engineer for Google, when he was diagnosed with a rare form of brain tumor. The situation became even more complicated as Jelle required a complex surgery, radiotherapy, and chemotherapy, ultimately needing to learn how to walk again.
While dealing with Jelle’s medical struggles, Danielle began experiencing panic attacks and noticed her mental health taking a nosedive. As a result, she made the tough decision to end their relationship. Although they are no longer together, Danielle relocated to Thailand and still remained friends with Jelle. Now, she is participating in a marathon to raise funds and awareness for a brain tumor charity.
Danielle admits that she is still navigating her friendship with Jelle but felt that putting an end to their relationship was necessary for both of their well-being. She acknowledges being hit with a wave of guilt, stating, ‘I felt like the most awful person, leaving somebody because they have cancer, but it was damaging my mental health and it wasn’t helping Jelle.’
The couple had been making plans to purchase a house in Palmers Green, North London, when Jelle suddenly started experiencing dizziness and episodes of vomiting. After several undisclosed treatments for an ear infection proved futile, his symptoms worsened. Eventually, Jelle underwent a private MRI scan through his health insurance provided by Google.
The MRI results revealed a grade 4 medulloblastoma tumor, which is commonly found in children, and Jelle was scheduled for surgery in September. Danielle remembers how their once-certain future was tossed into uncertainty overnight: ‘I was so worried and devastated, I couldn’t sleep or eat. I was having panic attacks and was on so much medication to sort myself out I just couldn’t function.’
Recognizing that their relationship could not continue, Danielle moved to Thailand along with her father. Despite the distance, she maintained a friendship with Jelle and kept updated on his recovery process. Following the surgery, Jelle suffered nerve damage that led to paralysis on the right side of his face, causing double-vision due to a squint. Additionally, he has difficulty closing his eye completely and must rely on eye drops and ointments.
Danielle chose to participate in the London Marathon in Jelle’s honor to raise money for Brain Tumour Research, a cause close to their hearts. She explains, ‘I felt so helpless watching all this unfold, so I knew I had to do something. I’m not a runner, but Jelle has done marathons before, so I thought it would be a challenge for me and a nice tribute to him, and it felt like something to aim towards. I won’t be fast, but I’m determined to get round.’
A medulloblastoma is a malignant brain tumor that typically affects children. Generally found in the cerebellum located at the back and base of the brain, medulloblastomas are usually categorized as grade 3 or grade 4 tumors. Boys are more likely to develop this type of cancer than girls, and it is exceedingly rare in adults. Medulloblastomas can be treated through a combination of surgery, radiotherapy, and chemotherapy, but if left untreated or if the cancer spreads, it can be life-threatening.
As medulloblastomas often form in the cerebellum, which is responsible for motor functions, they can affect a person’s balance, coordination, and movement. Symptoms resulting from the tumor’s growth may include increased clumsiness, problems walking, general coordination issues, and frequent stumbling and falling.
Danielle admits that the marathon training has been both physically and mentally challenging. However, knowing what Jelle has gone through provides her with the motivation to stay committed: ‘If Jelle can go through all of this, then I can run a marathon.’ She also emphasizes the need for more funding for brain cancer research, stating that the UK should be at the forefront of scientific innovation and lamenting how treatments have not changed much in recent decades.
In comparison to other countries, Danielle believes that the UK is lagging behind in terms of medical advancements. She argues that more research and trials are needed to develop better treatment options for those suffering from brain cancer.
Jelle, who fully supports Danielle’s marathon efforts, shares his admiration for her determination: ‘I will be there on the day to cheer Danielle on. I think it’s incredible what she’s doing. When she said she was going to do a marathon, I must admit I had my doubts. I think she only did about 5km when we were together and that was with a lot of complaining. I’ve got so much respect for her discipline and perseverance.’
Regarding their current relationship, Danielle says, ‘I still love Jelle deeply and want to support him, but I came to realize I couldn’t stay with him as his partner. We’re still figuring things out and finding ways to continue our relationship as friends. Our whole lives came out from under us.’
Carol Robertson, national events manager for Brain Tumour Research, expresses her sympathy for Jelle’s diagnosis: ‘We’re so sorry to hear about Jelle’s diagnosis. While his tumor type is rare, brain cancer is not, with one in three people knowing somebody affected. We’re very grateful to Danielle for taking on this huge challenge to help raise funds for our cause.’
Robertson also highlights the support that marathon runners receive from the Brain Tumour Research organization, affirming their commitment to cheering Danielle on throughout the race and celebrating with her at the finish line. This London Marathon seems poised to not only raise funds and awareness for a crucial cause but also symbolize a tribute to love and friendship that transcends romantic relationships.