An Artist’s Battle For Family Amidst a War: Leila Mesdaghi’s Journey

Two weeks into her third academic year at Bard College, Leila Mesdaghi found herself faced with a heart-wrenching decision. As an Iranian American artist, she had to grapple with an unforeseen crisis. A war had broken out in Iran, where her Aunt Mina lived alone, and confronting her was a daunting choice: either continue her secure studies in New York or rush back to her homeland, which was now flagged as a ‘Do Not Travel’ zone by the U.S. State Department. Prioritizing her family, Mesdaghi’s decision was clear.

Speaking from Iran, where she currently resides, Mesdaghi recollected, ‘It was only two weeks into my academic session when the hostile events unfolded, leading me to relinquish everything and rush back to my homeland, given that my aunt was living on her own.’ The journey back to Tehran, however, was not straightforward. With air travel services suspended due to the upheaval, she had to navigate around the closed borders.

Mesdaghi painted the picture, ‘Unable to fly, I had to traverse through Armenia by land and then embark on a 24-hour bus ride to finally reach home.’ Though born in the United States, Mesdaghi was no stranger to moving. She had relocated to Iran when she was two years old, only to eventually return to the U.S., where she spent twenty years residing in Fort Myers.

Her decision to return left her family—her son, and brother—in the U.S., along with her pet. Despite this, she dutifully chose to stand by her elderly aunt in turmoil-stricken Iran. The disturbance caused by war was her primary concern. Specifically, the uncertainty of adequate healthcare and supplies for the aged and how this war would turn their lives upside down.

Describing the aftermath of her arrival, Mesdaghi remarked, ‘The unnerving stillness of the city sent chills down my spine. The streets that were once bustling were now patrolled by guards, and the pallid city was lit by the ominous glow from fires at the strike sites.’ Upon reaching her home on the first night, she was hit by the grim reality—the overwhelming emptiness and the looming fire in the place of a once thriving city scared her.

A notably horrifying memory that Mesdaghi recalled was a bomb striking ominously close to her place of residence. ‘There was a blast barely three miles away that shook our building to its foundation. The windows rattled violently, and I was genuinely fearful that the issue might escalate.’ The immediate threat of the building’s potential collapse posed a very real risk.

The trauma of war was apparent in the varying reactions of her neighbors. Mesdaghi observed a wide range of responses. Some citizens tried to maintain a semblance of normalcy, carrying on with their lives despite the pandemonium. Others were on the verge of breaking, even small, innocuous noises causing distress.

For Mesdaghi, however, art became her grounding force. ‘I have routines—such as tending to the garden for a couple of hours—that help keep me sane. As an artist, continuing my work has been a source of comfort,’ she reflected. Ironically, her abandoned Bard thesis on equality resonated deeply with her present situation. Now, more than ever, it seemed that the world was playing unfairly.

Recounting her studies, she mentioned, ‘My work centered around a conceptual game of dots and boxes with a twist—the focus was not on victory but on achieving balance.’ The stark contrast between her academic pursuit of equilibrium and her turbulent real-world experience created a whirlpool of emotions within her.

She revealed, ‘I experienced feelings of unfamiliar intensity—rage, hatred, and the desire for retribution flooded me. How could I deal with such profound emotions simultaneously? Art became my salvation, my outlet, my coping mechanism.’

Amid the devastation, Mesdaghi noted positive societal shifts. ‘There has been noticeable progress over the years, especially when compared with the past two or three decades. Post the uprising three years ago, changes were evident. More women confidently walk around without their hijabs, reflecting their assertion of freedom and self-expression.’

However, amidst the societal progress, the availability of information was still scant. Mesdaghi voiced her concerns, ‘Our understanding of what’s transpiring is blurry at best. Frequent internet shutdowns and dysfunctional VPN services have resulted in delayed news, keeping us in the dark.’

This lack of clarity was particularly frustrating when tackling fundamental matters, like her prospect of returning to the United States. Mesdaghi clings onto hope to recommence her studies in June 2026, despite the odds. Her deserted life at Bard College is a calling she hopes to respond to the following year, if the situation allows.

Through her narratives, Mesdaghi unraveled the human toll of political decisions. ‘An individual’s urge to comprehend crises needs to be intrinsic. You have to willingly delve deeper to grasp the realities of such situations,’ she stated. Clinging onto hope and her commitment to her family and art continues to steer Mesdaghi through these tumultuous times.

Mesdaghi’s journey underscores the power of personal narratives to illuminate the harsh realities of political conflicts and wars. It is a timely reminder and testament to human resilience in the face of overwhelming circumstances. Her story stands as a symbol of familial love, courage, and the enduring power of hope.