Binge-watching shows together has become an important ritual in contemporary relationships. However, a disturbance in this shared experience, known by terms such as ‘online streaming infidelity’ or ‘binge cheating,’ comes when one partner watches the mutually agreed show alone. It may seem trivial to some, but for many couples, this act can pose challenges to their relationships.
Consider Emily Wilbanks, a nurse from Houston, who iterates that shared shows are their mode of relaxation and bonding. So, breaching this agreement by watching it alone not only spoils the fun but also begs the question of why even watch it together in the first place?
Likewise, Boston-based librarian Nathan Anderson acknowledged both perspectives of this unsaid prohibition. He deemed their shared viewing experiences as prized moments of quality time. So, when he indulges in a show without his partner, he confesses knowing that it may induce disappointment.
Meghan Gilbert and Aaron Blackstone, a New York-based couple, have developed a strategy of their own to face this dilemma. They deeply value their time spent binge-watching shows together and consider it a wonderful way to bond. Learning that the other partner watched an episode alone could spur a jovial dispute as the ‘magic’ of their shared experience is lost.
Aaron further emphasizes that this shared experience is less enjoyable when watched on one’s own. Trust is a critical factor underpinning their binge-watching ritual. This activity provides them with a platform to engage, connect, and discuss the shows they choose to experience together.
Why is it so emotionally jarring? Bella Sanders, a certified sex therapist and a practicing clinical psychologist, offers an explanation. She suggests that the offence of binge cheating lies not with the content of the show but rather what it symbolizes. It reflects a shared bonding experience presented in real-time, allowing for mutual engagement about the occurrences within the show.
Given the various distractions presented by today’s technology, spending ‘sacred quality time’ together becomes increasingly invaluable. Sanders describes that choosing to proceed further into a show without your partner is, to an extent, about setting boundaries. Depending on one’s attachment style, this can potentially ignite anxiety, fear of rejection, or even abandonment.
Relationship expert Jamie Evans concurs that these emotions hardly revolve around the show itself. However, the supposed ‘betrayal’ is interpreted differently by different people. Some may not find it of notable consequence, thus providing their partner with a free pass. But, for others, maintaining faithfulness constitutes mutual respect and preserving these bids of connection.
The emotional impact of skipping ahead without your partner is backed by brain chemistry. Sanders explains that the dopamine, norepinephrine, and oxytocin neurotransmitters associated with pleasure, bonding, and trust are released when couples watch shows together. There are actual biophysical changes occurring in the brain, offering solace, safety, and a heightened sense of love.
Technological advancements offering numerous streaming services and digital apps can prompt one to secretly watch shows without their partner, consequently impacting bonding opportunities, as stated by Evans. In comparison to past generations when families were bound to watch shows together, modern couples enjoy the freedom to binge-watch whenever they prefer and on separate devices.
Evans elaborates that the excitement of watching shows together, as practiced by earlier generations, seems lost to an extent in present times, primarily due to the plethora of streaming services offering a surfeit of content that can be viewed at any time.
The prevalence of stream cheating is on the rise with a significant surge from 12% to 48% among the U.S. couples surveyed for a global 2017 study. Furthermore, 36% kept this a secret, and nearly half of the cheaters had repeated their offense. A more recent 2023 survey revealed that about 38% would feel hurt if their partner watched a show without them.
To mitigate the adverse effects of streaming infidelity, Evans suggests laying down ground rules. Openly discussing the relationship’s significant issues enhances connection and mutual respect. Additionally, he emphasizes the importance of perspective – providing space for the partner and considering activities that are mutually enjoyable. Stating boundaries and honoring joint rituals fosters relationship resilience. He advises using ‘I’ Statements to express feelings and desires about shared activities.